Getting Plunged Into Darkness
On April 8 of last year, many people in North America were transfixed by the total solar eclipse in some areas and a partial one in others. It made me think: How is depression like a solar eclipse?
Last year's solar eclipse got me thinking...
Here in central Massachusetts, it certainly got a bit darker for a few minutes in the late afternoon before gradually brightening once again. I was inside my apartment working, conducting a phone interview, so my personal experience consisted of looking out the window while I chatted away.
However, earlier, I watched online at various spots where hundreds of people gathered and were cast into complete darkness as the moon passed between the earth and sun, much to their collective delight. As I watched others staring up at the covered, black sun, it occurred to me that eclipses are like depression.
Falling into the darkness of depression
It is true that I was having a bad day on April 8 and feeling particularly tired, stressed, and unhappy. But it still made sense that a person like me, brighter and less depressed at one point, can get plunged into darkness as my mood deteriorates.
Like the eclipse, these moods of mine can come and go even in a single day. When you are diagnosed with major depressive disorder and yes, generalized anxiety disorder, it can be a topsy turvy experience.
Every day, the extent to which depression affects me can change. One thing can happen – a memory, an ache or pain, or even a conversation – that creates a curtain being yanked over and covering up a sunny countenance.
Lifting myself out of a total eclipse
The black moods that follow do not last 24/7, at least for me, and I am grateful for that. It has taken me many years to learn some tricks to help me lift myself out of a spiral. I must remind myself that I have made it through periods of intense depression before and survived and I can again.
When I recognize I am total eclipsing, the first thing I do is let myself feel what I am feeling but only for a limited amount of time. I try not to wallow in my sadness, preferring to acknowledge that it is there.
Reaching out for support
My go-to move next is to phone a particular friend of mine who I tell, "I'm getting near the black hole again." Sometimes, I do not have to say it. She can hear it in my voice. Once I talk things out with her, I usually end up laughing by the end of the phone call. She has a way of knowing what to say and do to lift my spirits.
But not everyone has this "phone a friend" option. Professional help is out there in the form of counselors and support groups. There is no shame in seeking them out to lend you a helping hand. I have.
What triggers my depression?
In my personal experience, my depression sometimes rears its ugly head when I am getting frazzled and overwhelmed and feel like I will never "catch up" in my life. My anxiety and depression come and go hand-in-hand. And, having blood cancer and numerous other medical problems weighs heavily down upon me and contributes to my state of mind.
At these times, sometimes I stop and organize my thoughts and priorities. Or better still, I take a rest from responsibilities, even for a few minutes.
Light will always follow the darkness
One positive about having depression for so long is that I have created coping mechanisms for myself to get through it safely to the other side.
Most importantly, I tell myself that a bad episode will pass. Just like the moon moves out of the way and lets the sun shine through.