Have You Ever Received Bad Advice in Therapy?

Following my diagnosis of depression and generalized anxiety disorder, I began seeing a counselor for treatment about 12 years ago.

Despite being diagnosed several months earlier, I started counseling only a couple of weeks following my mother's death and my own brush with it.

Experiences with therapy are different for everyone

My experiences with counseling are unique to me and everyone has their own path to follow. However, I can say that I had both a good experience and a bad one when I sought therapy in conjunction with an antidepressant prescription.

Letting it all out

My first brush with counseling started off a little bumpy. I did not know what to expect but what I got was a counselor who talked very little and did a lot of listening instead.

I surprised myself by blurting out every little thought and feeling to this stranger once per week. I would basically walk into her office, which was in her home, sit down on the couch and tell her about my week and everything that happened.

Now and then, I would start to cry and she would reach over and hand me a tissue box. These teary spells of mine were usually short-lived and I would continue talking. And talking.

Expecting advice from my therapist

We did not delve into past traumas, memories, etc. I always talked about the present – what was going on in my life, at work and home and anything else that was on my mind. Sometimes, I felt relieved to "unburden" myself in this way.

Other times, I felt bewildered because I was expecting sage advice and solid lists of what to do to rid myself of my depression and anxiety. Eventually, I learned the process takes time and the counselor knew what she was doing – building trust between us.

I trusted my therapist

I trusted her to listen to me and have my best interests at heart. She trusted me to be honest and respect and trust her. It was not as if we became best buddies, but that is not the point of seeking help. Over time, I began seeing her less frequently, either bi-weekly or once per month. Part of this change was the result of my moving to a new town about 90 minutes away.

That's right. I picked up, packed up about 48 years of my life and started over. Luckily, this counselor had another office about halfway between the two locations and I began seeing her there instead. It was a rather smooth transition until a snag got in the way. That snag was a blood cancer diagnosis nine years ago.

Chronic illness got in the way of sessions

When I told my counselor about having chronic leukemia, she reminded me that her specialty involved people going through transitions and this move and cancer were just more transitions. I had to adapt just as I adapted in the past.

As my insurance ran out and my physical symptoms made it too difficult to travel, my sessions came to an end.

Seeing a new therapist

My health deteriorating, I saw my new primary doctor and she referred me to a psychologist located right in the same building that she thought I should consult.

I was maybe 6 or so months into my blood cancer diagnosis and my mental health was a mess. My mood was somber and I barely remember our first encounter because of being nauseous, packing on tons of weight thanks to the targeted chemotherapy drug and seeing nothing but a bleak, short future ahead of me.

She asked me about my physical health and when I finished telling her, she said, "No wonder you are depressed. Your life is terrible. I would be depressed too if I was you."

Well that feels like bad advice...

I can laugh thinking about it now but at the time I was shocked. Maybe she wanted to build a bond, make it seem like she could relate, but her words rang hollow. The only other advice I can recall during another visit was when she told me I should go home and eat a lot of chocolates and drink wine. Drown in my misery, so to speak.

Well, I do not drink at all and it was forbidden with my medications, anyway. Chocolates give me migraines so that was another no-no. Besides, who seriously thinks binge eating and drinking are going to solve any mental health problem?

They are not coping mechanisms for depression. On the contrary, it only leads to additional mental health conditions. Yikes.

Some therapy experiences are better than others

The last time I saw the psychologist, I had just gotten a new job editing on online mental health site. Ironically, I edited articles written by psychologists and other mental health professionals. This psychologist spent most of the visit scrolling on the computer and reading the articles of interest to her.

Meanwhile, I sat that wondering why I hauled myself to the medical office 30 minutes away to watch her play on the computer for 15 minutes.

So, that was my last session.