The Nightmare I Can't Wake Up From

I've dealt with depression and anxiety pretty much all my life but was not officially diagnosed until 2004. Over the years, I've tried talk therapy and medication. I've stopped because I felt I didn't need it anymore.

Mental illness is not discussed in my family and never have. It's as if it's taboo. Well, I'm not ashamed of needing extra help for mine.

The dark period before my MS diagnosis

Before my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis (MS) I went through a very dark period. I can't recall if I was on treatment, on medication or anything. All I know was that I had repetitive thoughts of suicidal ideation. I'd be in my car and see water and I'd want to drive in into it. The bridges were the worst. The thoughts were very scary and took me some place I never want to visit again.

Finding answers and accepting the need for medication

I'm so thankful that I finally received my diagnosis. I felt validated, like I wasn't making this crap up. Multiple Sclerosis is very real, and for me, the accompanying anxiety and depression can sometimes be much worse than the physical symptoms. I need my medication. I can't sleep at night without medication support... If I don't, I just lay awake. If I did fall asleep without the medication, I'd have the craziest nightmares. The next morning I'd feel like I was up all night. The exhaustion would be quadrupled.

Becoming a proud advocate

MS is real and so is mental illness.

Im a proud advocate for myself because if I didn't, who would? I have to do what's best for my health and my life.

Stay strong my fellow MS Thrivers!!