I've Got The Music In Me: Finding What Helps Me Cope

My parents raised their kids on music from a very young age. Mom sang old washing songs for us as she rinsed shampoo out of our hair. My dad made us laugh with the risqué music of Tom Lehrer at the most inappropriate times. Our home teemed with sounds of made-up songs for heating food in the microwave, moving wash around, even talking to our pets. I learned early on the value of music in enriching life far before I knew what depression meant for me.

I loved music long before depression

My earliest memories of participating in music are near countless. I have memories close to my heart of singing along to the choir in church, falling asleep to CDs playing above me, bursting out in song while in the car to go to school I hijacked my mom's computer, listening to songs I loved until she kicked me off to save her sanity.

Finding joy in performing

Listening to music wasn't the only thing that made such a difference though. I loved, and still do love, performing for anyone who would listen, and sometimes even those who wouldn't listen.

My life changed the day I joined the school choir, though. For the first time, I felt proud of myself. I was doing something that proved I was good enough. I cried the first time I was complimented for my singing ability and I cried every single time after that as well.

Music was my coping tool for depression

When depression first raised its ugly head in high school, I relied on music and performing to get out of the pits. I studied performance with an opera singer as my vocal coach and actually did well in the local competitions.

I knew that I couldn't be as horrible as my depression was telling me. Music told me that I was enough. Singing shared the beauty of the world and my personal beauty in ways that depression could never touch.

It's where I found community

I found my path to college through music as well. Whenever I visited universities and their music programs, I was surrounded by people who loved music as much as I did. I felt like I belonged, something that I’ve struggled with for all my life. The music department at my university nurtured the same love for music I felt in my bones.

Even during the darkest days of college during my psychiatric hospitalization, I felt the joy and community of music. How could I ever be truly alone when a simple melody holds so much beauty?

Music means connection

Even now, music serves as the main connecting point for my family and friends, particularly with my mental health.

I'm not always the best at using my words when it comes to my mental health, nor does my family understand it completely. I can always send songs that I’ve loved listening to that I know they will enjoy, though. My parents and I have done this for years and those times, especially with my dad, are still the most precious to me.

Finding solace and healing in music

Throughout my life, I've been saved by music in every possible way. It is one of the best ways for me to share my heart with others. I can always find solace in music, regardless of what is actually happening in my life or how badly my depression is affecting me.

I hope that you have something in your life that saves you the same way that music saves me.